Flying Solo

I am a firm believer that at some point in time every woman, and I mean every woman, should take the time to be truly single.  Just hang out with yourself for a while.Who knows, you might like it.  It’s nice to have company; it’s nice to rally up the girls and hit the town, if need be.  However, it’s also important to be comfortable with your own company.  It’s important to take time to just be with yourself.  Take the time to foster a relationship with you.  Experience going to the movies by yourself, eating dinner at a restaurant by yourself. or taking a trip by yourself.  Notice I didn’t say alone.  I said, “by yourself”.  Alone implies that even if you wanted to enjoy the company of others, you couldn’t.  Alone implies that you have no network, no sister-girls to call your own, and basically no friends.  Doing something by yourself means that you have chosen to be your own company.  Don’t be scared, just do it.  Even if this seems a bit daunting, do it anyway.

I was speaking to someone the other day and this individual explained to me that she experiences anxiety when she pulls into her driveway.  The thought of going inside is so scary that she sometimes sits in the car for hours.  She then explained to me that, at the age of 43, this was her first time living alone.  She grew up in a large family, always had around people, and did not know how to be by herself.  The thought of being in the apartment with all that space, overwhelmed her.  Though an extreme case, this is an example of someone who didn’t know how to be a single unit in a space all of her own.  Because of this, she always needed to be in a relationship, and she always needed to have people around.  If you’re single, now is the best time to spread your wings and truly fly solo.

Flying solo fosters resilience

We often live our lives jumping from one relationship to the next without really taking the time to get to know who we are.  Hence, we keep making the same mistakes over and over again.  Taking the time to be truly single allows us to set higher standards and avoid settling; it allows us to build confidence and foster high self-esteem.  When you enjoy your own company, you are not devastated because the relationship didn’t work out and bounce back much faster.  You took the time to become a complete person in and of yourself before venturing into relationship territory.  This makes it much easier to, “brush that dirt off your shoulders”, and take time to make a mature assessment of what happened, instead of morphing into a serial dater.

Flying solo helps to execute your life’s journey

I’m not saying to become consumed with solitude.  We need the support and physical presence of friends and loved ones.  What I am saying, is that it’s okay to do whatever it is you wish solo, if you’re unable to find someone with the same vision.  Waiting around for others to jump onboard, might leave you feeling unaccomplished, because everything is dependent on whether you can get someone to accompany you on your journey.  This might result in a life filled with regret because you failed to execute.

Flying solo aids in better decision making

Why do we always second guess ourselves?  We second guess ourselves because there are too many voices in our head, too many people offering advice.  This confuses the thought process.  Take time away to clear your mind and become confident in your decisions and choices.  Truly own your thoughts, words, and actions.  See them as extensions of yourself rather than elements of someone else’s perspectives.

Flying solo prevents you from being a people pleaser

There are some people who cannot say no.  They fill their agenda with tasks; they agree to everything; and they allow others to disregard their personal boundaries.  Being truly single helps you to set limits on yourself and on others.  Not only will this make others respect you a bit more, it also gives you control over your person, your time, your physical, emotional and mental space, and you will be less stressed.

If you’re single, take the time to be truly single before fostering a new relationship.  Stop searching, and take the time to focus on enjoying this season.





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  1. Ebonie,
    I agree totally with what you are saying because if you do not get to know yourself then how do you expect others to. I am enjoying being alone right now and started back to college after surgery in 2009 and 1010. After my husband left me thought it would be hard but it is actually easier without him here and having to wait on him hand and foot. Thank you for this article it makes me feel better about being alone now.

  2. Ebonie says:

    Thanks Sharon!!! I’m glad you were encouraged :)

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