STOP Saying This to Single Women!

After spending yet another holiday season without a significant other, I voiced my frustration on a certain social network in full view of my friends. I wasn’t expecting a reaction; just using it as a place to shout to the world that I’m tired of being single – which I am.

A few friends said supportive and hopeful things. And then there was The Married Guy who came along and felt the need to ask The Question. “Are you willing to submit? Because marriage requires mutual submission.” REALLY?!?!?! NO!!!!

First of all, I know he wasn’t concerned about my ability to participate in mutual submission. He’s one of those people who has been taught that a male organ is somehow a qualification for household leadership and he was basically asking if I would or could transform myself into the wilting and worshipful happy housewife for a man. I don’t believe in male leadership, so the answer to that is no. In my opinion, marriage is between adults, so decisions should be between adults. Both of them. But I digress.

The real problem I have with this question is the need for people to ask it in the first place. People don’t grill each other about any other goal or desire this way.

 Imagine this scenario:

Grown Woman: I’m thinking of getting a Master’s degree.

Concerned Citizen: Let me ask you a question. Are you willing to read and to write papers? Because reading and writing papers are required for a Master’s degree.

Grown Woman: REALLY?!?! Oh ma GAWD!!! I didn’t know that! You have to read and stuff? I thought you just clicked your heels 3 times like on the Wizard of Oz and you just got a Master’s! I don’t know now. I think I’ll just stay uneducated and make a sex tape. It worked for Kim Kardashian, yeah?

I’m not some 12 year old with stars in her eyes. I’m damn near 40. I HAVE the Master’s degree. And a mortgage. And other responsibilities commensurate with adulthood. And I never had a single person doubt my ability to accomplish any of those things. But when I imply that I’d like to be married, people come out of the wood-work to “test” my worthiness or seriousness.

If it only happened to me, I wouldn’t care. But it happens to my friends as well; and I really hate watching these amazing and competent women start to doubt their relationship-worthiness due to naysayers. My single friends include caring compassionate Christian women. There’s an urban planner, a veterinarian, a breast surgeon who literally removes cancer from women’s bodies and saves lives EVERY DAY. But marriage is something that is apparently more difficult than all of these things and, in the name of Christian concern; busybodies are incredibly quick to grill us about being “prepared” to do it.

So, on behalf of myself and all of the other single Christian women who have great lives, want to share them with someone, and happen to say this out loud, I’m saying this to all “concerned citizens”.

We’re single. Not stupid.

Last 5 posts by Katryna Starks

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