All The Single Men Are Not Available

 This year, I am on a mission to save single women from mediocre men. The first topic on my agenda is addressing the list. Yes, the list of qualities we all want in a man: handsome, working, faithful, great father, etc. My problem with the list is that no one ever adds available. We simply assume that because a man is single, he is available. This, single ladies, is not true. Do your homework and figure out if he is truly worth your time, energy, effort and awesomeness. Single and available means that he doesn’t have a significant other, but has time for one. If he is unavailable, no matter how single he is, you won’t be on his list of priorities.

How do you know if a man is available? I’m glad you asked. You will know if he is available, if he is actively pursuing and making time for you. This brings us to a very important rule. Women should never pursue men. I know it’s 2012, but regardless of what year it is, women should never pursue men. How would you truly know if he’s available, if you’re pursuing him? I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to men. Talk to as many as you please, just don’t ask them out on a date. If he’s available and wishes to bask in your beauty, he will ask you out eventually.   


Sometimes (not often) it’s difficult to figure out if someone is truly available. However, some men wave red flags of unavailability. Here is a list of men who are single and unavailable. Keep your eyes and ears peeled. If you run into one of these guys, head for the hills.


He is awaiting sentencing.
If the man you’re interested in is awaiting sentencing, he’s unavailable. It doesn’t matter why he’s caught up with the law, if you weren’t with him before the incident there is no reason to try to get to the bottom of his criminal history.  


He is in prison.
I’ve heard many stories of the single woman who accompanied her friend on a prison visit only to return with a “man” of her own. Men who are incarcerated or otherwise constrained by law enforcement (house arrest, probation, parole) generally have nothing positive to contribute to a relationship. Unless you have a controlling personality, I don’t see this working at all. Again, if you weren’t with him before lockdown, let it go.  


His ex sleeps over.
If his ex-girlfriend/fiancée/lover frequents his domain, he is either on the rebound or they have unfinished business. Maybe they’re just friends and they have benefits boundaries. When exes hover for no apparent reason, it makes for an uncomfortable situation. Starting a relationship should be fun. If there is too much to deal with too soon, it becomes stressful.  


Sometimes, he likes other men.
This is self-explanatory.


He states that he is unavailable.
If the person you’re interested in states in any way that he does not desire a relationship, believe him. If he is not ready for a relationship, there is nothing you can say or do to convince him otherwise. In addition, pressuring him might take you out of the running for future consideration. Furthermore, he might acquiesce to appease you, but you’re setting yourself up for drama, hurt, and short-term gratification.


Being in a relationship is great, but you should require the best relationship possible. If you’re not the priority, then you don’t need to be with that person. If that man is not in a position to treat you in the best possible way, you don’t need to be with him. You should want the best for yourself. Demand the best and expect to receive the best. Remember, the way others treat you, is a reflection of how you feel about yourself.


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  1. Tia says:

    I think this is a great article. It touches a little (but I’ll speak up for my guy friends), that sometimes they are just not ready to date or you just aren’t the one for them. I think when guys are ready and it’s the right one, they rise to the occasion.

  2. Jason Wilson says:

    Good read. What I’ve noticed is that a growing number of women are steadily removing the words “available” and “single” from their list of qualifications….or at the very least….they are moving those qualifications further down on the priority scale. Why is this? Also, not only do some of us wave red flags of unavailability, we wave red flags on quite a few things. And all of these red flags have something in common: they are consistently ignored by women, which almost always yield devastating results. Final question: what does a “mediocre” man look like? Better yet, can you give me a “tale of the tape” between a great man and a mediocre man?

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